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Will I ever find love again?

    Will I ever find love again? Learn how to love again image

    Divorce is very common and many people find themselves alone. This can be stressful, especially if you are used to sharing your life with someone. Cooking meals for only one is different to cooking for two. And when you watch a great show on TV, there is no one to talk about it with afterwards. You may end up wondering, will I ever find love again?

    What affects whether you find love again?

    If you loved your previous partner, you may be trying to find someone similar. This rarely works out well. It is best to start again with a fresh slate and fresh expectations. Everyone is different and the perfect partner for you may be someone completely different.

    Remember that the object of any relationship is to help you grow. This may mean challenging yourself more. You may need to become more tolerant of how other people do things. You may need to expand your own heart to be able to love someone different. And how they want you to express love towards them may be different to what your previous partner liked.

    Don’t bring them daisies just because your previous partner loved daisies. Find out what they love and what they don’t like too. That should be part of the joy of starting a new relationship – finding out all their quirks and what makes them who they are. See it as an ongoing mystery. A mystery you may never ever fully complete because everyone is complex and multi-layered.

    How can counseling help?

    Divorce can be painful and you may need to heal from that. Being rejected on such a large scale can wound our egos. We may feel vulnerable and not ready to trust someone again. These are the sorts of issues you may need to work through with a therapist.

    You may also have a tendency to repeat the same patterns. For example, you may be attracted to a certain type of person. This may not be the best type of person for you. Schedule an appointment to discuss this with a therapist.

    You may have become inflexible and rigid in your approach to life. Like everyone talks about “old bachelors” – you may have become set in your ways and too routine. Although establishing a good healthy routine is good, you shouldn’t let it restrict you from occasionally doing new things and meeting new people. You may like to go to bed at nine o’clock. But if friends are having a party, you should be a bit flexible and go anyway. You need to accept opportunities to meet new people.

    You may also need to update your approaches to dating. You may need to use an app rather than relying on the right person to just turn up. You need to make an effort. Don’t just expect it to happen. Join groups. Explore new interests. Expand the number of people you meet each day.

    What to avoid

    Of course, it is important to make sure you don’t enter a relationship with someone who has a history of being physically or psychologically abusive. And you don’t want to marry someone who is doing so purely for financial gain.

    It may not be a typical relationship

    Having children adds complexity, but it should not prevent you from finding a partner.

    You may decide to establish a long-term supportive companionship with someone. You don’t have to live together. But the main thing is to have someone in your life that you can love.

    If you need help working on your attitudes so that you can become more open to loving someone, let us know.